Andrea Liliana

Yates Castillo

A story of mental health, dance, and faith

Born on December 1st, 2000, in Phoenix, Arizona, my life began amidst a backdrop of cultural diversity and personal resilience. My father, a hardworking native blue-collar worker navigating life after divorce, crossed paths with my mother, a spirited Mexican immigrant chasing her dreams in academia by selling art. Despite language barriers and cultural divides, their love prevailed, culminating in their marriage and my arrival into the world.​ Our journey started modestly in my grandmother's trailer, where my mother devoted herself to nurturing our family while my father toiled to secure a stable home. Road trips to visit relatives became our cherished escapes, although stability eluded us during those early years. My parents were pioneers in their own right, learning parenthood as they went, fueled by sheer determination to provide for us.​ 

Creativity and curiosity fueled my spirit from a young age. Whether through drawing, painting, storytelling, writing songs, or dance, I seized every opportunity to express myself. Disney and radio stars were biggest influence, shaping my early years with their magic and melodies. My mom introduced me to ballet at the tender age of 3, but my anxious attachment found me more solace practicing at home.

As school beckoned, I eagerly awaited my turn to join the ranks of my peers. Academic success came naturally to me—I was labeled gifted early on—and I reveled in every chance to shine, whether in talent shows, science fairs and project demonstrations. Despite my small stature, I carried a big heart, always striving to exceed expectations and soak in every ounce of experience life offered.

​

Yet, life at home grew turbulent as economic strains and personal differences tested my parents' bond. The recession of 2008 cast a shadow over our household, leading to discussions of divorce. Caught in the crossfire of their arguments, I became an unwitting mediator, navigating the rough waters of family discord at an age when most kids worry about homework and friends.

​

Middle school marked not only a transition into adolescence but also my deep dive into the digital world and self discovery. I developed my own music taste and content niches. YouTube, Facebook, porn and online chat rooms became my escape from the chaos at home. Early exposure to societal judgement and the male gaze left an indelible mark on my self-esteem. Connecting an unhealthy reliance to makeup and addition to self pleasure. Volleyball and violin provided fleeting distractions, but it was in the dance classes my mom began teaching that I found a lifeline—an outlet for my emotions and a sanctuary where movement became my voice.

​

High school proved to be a whirlwind of opportunity for growth and questioning. I increasingly saw schoolwork as mundane and meaningless, leading me to disregard my grades. As means of distraction, I immersed myself into extracurricular activities. Leading a self-love club, peer mediation group, and serving as yearbook president allowed me to capture memories and express my true skills on campus. Even outside of school, I kept myself busy with pageants, modeling, and dance. But at the end of the day, I would return home and was left to face my reality. My personal struggles intensified. Depression and anxiety cast long shadows, exacerbated by hormonal imbalances and the relentless scrutiny of teenage life. I would often skip school. In the solitude of my room, I battled suicidal ideation, self-doubt and a growing compulsion to pick at my skin—a visible manifestation of my inner turmoil that I struggled to conceal from the world. The silver lining through it all was the people I shared this time with—my close-knit group of girlfriends, whose drama-filled lives mirrored our shared challenges, cheerful teachers, and supportive peers who boasted my vision—my first experience of love with a girl, which brought both joy and heartbreak, marking my senior year grappling with an uncertain future ahead.

​

Post graduation, I embraced community college as a counseling major, balancing my studies with my first jobs as a secretary and gym daycare teacher, all while launching a non-profit. The onset of the COVID-19 pandemic forced us into isolation, challenging us to navigate new paths forward, prompting a deep dive into mental health treatment. Without thorough assessment, I was hastily prescribed antidepressants. While effective in my professional life, the medication dulled my creativity and empathy, straining my familial bonds and relationships. I developed a resistant relationship with my medication, inconsistently taking them and experiencing withdrawal spirals. This led to impulsive decisions,including dropping out of school, infidelity, risky sexual encounters, enduring a narcissistic relationship, and facing an abortion, which led me to question my passion for working with children.

This ego death ultimately strengthened my resolve to heal, birthing a soul-searching journey into holistic healing. Embracing a whole foods diet, regular workouts, and the therapeutic release of dance, specifically freestyle movement. 

​

In my early twenties, with fiery red hair and a newfound sense of confidence, I immersed myself in the clubbing scene and pursued modeling again, all while exploring the liberating effects of marijuana as a means to escape the draining demands of my teaching career. It was exhilarating—a journey that revealed to me the profound beauty of dance, music, and their power to unite people. Marijuana played a significant role in my life, helping me transcend barriers, confront my traumas, sharpen my focus, and embolden me to express myself freely.

Amid these revelations, I began to challenge the expectations set by my parents, realizing how my lifestyle and belief system conflicted with theirs. Recognizing my codependency on relationships, I made the courageous decision to end a significant partnership and moved out from my parents house. 

​

Navigating this path alone, I encountered a series of hardships—job loss, contracting gonorrhea, and even having my car repossessed—all of which tested my stubbornness. However, amidst these challenges, I recognized a recurring pattern: these activities often served as distractions. This realization sparked a deep desire within me to prioritize self-help and personal growth. The allure of parties began to fade as I embraced a journey of reparenting myself—setting boundaries, instilling positive self talk, and cycle syncing. This transformation became my mantra as I reclaimed control of my life.

​

I reached a seemingly good place, I was mentally stable and physically fit but still felt a deep void. This existential crisis propelled me towards spiritual awakening, where I surrendered my life to God. It was through my dance community that I was introduced to a godly life. I began practice of celibacy, prayer, meditation, therapy, and bible study—healing old wounds and illuminating the path to my true home.

​

Today, God continues to work through me, leveraging my life's tapestry of joys and hardships to empower others. Through dance and storytelling, I bridge the gap between spirituality and healing, sharing the transformative power of femininity and worship. My journey is far from over—each step forward an affirmation of resilience, each setback a lesson in grace. Join me as I weave the threads of my past into a tapestry of hope and inspiration, guided by faith and fueled by the courage to be seen.